All That I Could Do

Season 3.2: Nothing can explain it. This impulse and its antipode.

Nothing can explain it:
This impulse and its antipode. 

That bids me both to stay and go,
And rips a hole into my skull,
To fill it with a dither-full
Of heated hesitation.
 
Set to spark the fuel, 
That heats our hearth;  
Aglow in golden sacrifice, 
To the gods of solitude.

Whose embers of afflatus, 
Float and quench in our corona,
And descend to rest as ash upon the stone;
Cold and haunting to the wanting soul,
That yearns to be alone. 

Oh alone! In quiet perch along a street, 
To trace the living beats, 
That seethe beneath my bones. 
And pick and pound,
To be revealed with trowel and brush 
From out the page; 

Scraped as if uncovered from their sleep. 
So deep and dormant in our home, 
Of warm and loving, gentle form, 

And yet, does nothing to atone 
For all the unimagined, unforeseen,
I know was left undone.

And I am stood here; 
Still and waiting,
Sifting novel thoughts, 
That trickle through 
Our days and nights, 
This beating life, 
Renewed in every moment, 
Spent and lost.

And nothing can explain it,
Not at all;

Not the swollen brain, 
Nor the fluttered heart,
Nor the heaving urge that generates 
A burning potent from within; 
Expelled in surges that convulse, 
And purge the charge at once. 
Until again it can begin, in earnest,
Rising as a wisp, 
From out the smoulder of our furnace.

Thinking of all that I could do.
And oh, if I could not be here for you.

Nothing can explain it.

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Thank you so much for reading my work. It means a huge amount to me to have even 1 minute of your time, let alone the attention needed to read and understand these words. If you like what you see tell other people about it - it is the absolute best way to support me and my work and I would appreciate it hugely.

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Read more from Season 3…

This is the third season of Notes and Noises. If you liked this (or didn’t) why not take a quick look at some of the other posts in the series:

1. Wake Up!

2. All That I Could Do

3. Home

4. To That Tree Atop The Hill

5. On The Way Home

6. Weeds

7. Pauses

8. This Time

9. Be Ready To Do The Thing

10. Tar Isteach

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