The pace of this and the way it mirrors the words you chose - annihilate, dominate, conquered. You're very good at creating a rhythm that reflects the feeling in your words. I noticed that with your last poem,"Home." Some inspiration to play with that more in my own writing!
Wow, Sarah, thank you for reading so closely and with such attention. I do find that making deliberate structural or rhymical changes can help capture whatever it is I am trying to say in any given poem - sometimes it can be a bit jarring if it comes in too strong or without enough fluidity but then its about working to figure out how to fit it in right and thats where the work and problem solving begins i guess.
Really amazing to have such a thoughtful comment, higely appreciate it🙏. Thank you.
This was an amazing read! The descriptions and imagery were so visceral and powerful. The set up in the first stanza, straight to the point with strong word choice that I completely understood the context and the stakes. The second stanza, all show and no tell, the short and sudden sensory imagery convey the physical toil very well and the final stanza is a well worthy pay off. This is one of my favorites from you thus far!
Daniel, thanks so much for reading and your kind words! I am truly delighted it has spoken to you and yes all of what you describe runs through this poem!
This is so awesome. You have verbalized sheer determination beautifully.
From my interpretation, the first stanza is the rider's (writer's?) conviction as he prepares for an intense push for the tree on the hill. The second stanza is that journey itself, the short lines and insistent rhythm really capturing the act of biking intensely up the hill. The last stanza reflects a kind of out-of-body experience of a biker who has pushed himself to the limit, now surveying his conquered land below.
Interestingly, I wrote it from the perspective of a runner but you must be a cyclist if your mind went to that sport first - and I am now quietly delighted that the story is transferrable… reading back over it I realise it is focussed more on the body than the action or movement and so it makes it more universal - super interesting, thanks for sharing…
… I realise now the “bike light zeotrope” may have led you this way… I often have cars or bikes passing me on the road beside the path, and in the dead of winter bike lights in particular are common - unlike car headlamps, a bikelight will flash rapidly and I enjoy seeing my shadow strobe against the wall as it passes me by. In this case the image flashes on the glass of the bus shelter.
This is why I enjoy the comments so much - I discover a lot about how things can bounce and grow on their own once out in the wild.
Ah, very interesting indeed! I’m not much of a cyclist, although I’ve been in the market for an e-bike to use as our second powered vehicle for some time now. A big one that both kids can ride on the back of. So perhaps that’s why my mind went to bikes!
The pace of this and the way it mirrors the words you chose - annihilate, dominate, conquered. You're very good at creating a rhythm that reflects the feeling in your words. I noticed that with your last poem,"Home." Some inspiration to play with that more in my own writing!
Wow, Sarah, thank you for reading so closely and with such attention. I do find that making deliberate structural or rhymical changes can help capture whatever it is I am trying to say in any given poem - sometimes it can be a bit jarring if it comes in too strong or without enough fluidity but then its about working to figure out how to fit it in right and thats where the work and problem solving begins i guess.
Really amazing to have such a thoughtful comment, higely appreciate it🙏. Thank you.
This was an amazing read! The descriptions and imagery were so visceral and powerful. The set up in the first stanza, straight to the point with strong word choice that I completely understood the context and the stakes. The second stanza, all show and no tell, the short and sudden sensory imagery convey the physical toil very well and the final stanza is a well worthy pay off. This is one of my favorites from you thus far!
Daniel, thanks so much for reading and your kind words! I am truly delighted it has spoken to you and yes all of what you describe runs through this poem!
From the starting block to finish line, the pace of this poem is matched perfectly with form. I'm willing you on though the lines, up that hill.
Thanks Treasa! Was exhausted after this one too! Need a sit down ;)
This is enrapturing. “Wet and heaving” puts a weight on my chest
This is so awesome. You have verbalized sheer determination beautifully.
From my interpretation, the first stanza is the rider's (writer's?) conviction as he prepares for an intense push for the tree on the hill. The second stanza is that journey itself, the short lines and insistent rhythm really capturing the act of biking intensely up the hill. The last stanza reflects a kind of out-of-body experience of a biker who has pushed himself to the limit, now surveying his conquered land below.
Well done!
Interestingly, I wrote it from the perspective of a runner but you must be a cyclist if your mind went to that sport first - and I am now quietly delighted that the story is transferrable… reading back over it I realise it is focussed more on the body than the action or movement and so it makes it more universal - super interesting, thanks for sharing…
… I realise now the “bike light zeotrope” may have led you this way… I often have cars or bikes passing me on the road beside the path, and in the dead of winter bike lights in particular are common - unlike car headlamps, a bikelight will flash rapidly and I enjoy seeing my shadow strobe against the wall as it passes me by. In this case the image flashes on the glass of the bus shelter.
This is why I enjoy the comments so much - I discover a lot about how things can bounce and grow on their own once out in the wild.
Thank you, sincerely.
Ah, very interesting indeed! I’m not much of a cyclist, although I’ve been in the market for an e-bike to use as our second powered vehicle for some time now. A big one that both kids can ride on the back of. So perhaps that’s why my mind went to bikes!
Yes, great call. Been considering that too!
"High beams catch the hanging white
Phantom of a soul in flight above its body,
Steaming, wet and heaving'
Like that space you hone in on, David. From the crack in the path to that tree atop the hill.
The stanza I was most pleased with - happy you picked up on it. Thanks so much for the comment and support!
Delighted. Thanks, Will. Yes at that point the bidy tends to be at its extreme end.